Whatever It Takes
by GoINandLetHave
Summary: Slow burn Swan Queen. Takes place after the SQ road trip in season 4. Everything that happens in the show before then is canon. OQ is over and Regina falls into a depression. Emma is there to help her through it. Deals with depression, suicide and other dark themes. Characters not mine. Credit to A&E.
1. Chapter 1

It was an accident.

Just because she had liked it, that didn't mean that she had meant for it to happen…not initially.

It was an obvious mistake that could have happened to anyone. Ok, maybe not anyone.

Regina blamed it on her lack of sleep and high alcohol consumption. Or maybe it was her daily dose of the drought of peace (DOP) potion that Maleficent had taught her how to make (it really took the edge off). These could be the only 3 possible explanations for why Regina had found herself screaming Emma's name as she masturbated to lesbian porn and came loudly for the seventh night in a row.

Ever since she'd left Robin for good, all she'd done was work, drink, eat, get high, repeat. Actually he had left her. Again.

Despite her best efforts she couldn't stop thinking of her trip to New York with Emma 3 months ago. Just when she'd talked Emma down from the ledge of darkness, she'd gotten the call from Mal that Gold had stolen Belle's heart back.

She had gone from being scared and worried about Emma to frantic about Hood in 3 seconds flat. It was like emotional whiplash.

She was so scared for Robin Hood that as they'd rushed to his apartment, her palms were sweaty yet her mouth was quite dry. It had felt like her heart was trying to jump free from its cage with how violently it was pumping against her chest. She had only been vaguely aware of Emma's bright blue eyes occasionally surveying her intensely every time the yellow bug had stopped at a red light.

Regina had been in a daze; she couldn't help but think that Robin Hood was about to end up just like Daniel. She kept having flashes of Zelena ripping out his heart in front of her just like Cora had done to Daniel. And it would be all her fault. If she'd just gone into the tavern all those years ago…

The rest of the memory of the trip was mostly a blur except for the one part that she couldn't forget. The part that was actually worse than if Zelena had just ripped Robin's heart out in front of her. The one image that was fixed in her brain no matter how much she drank or worked or got high-Robin Hood and Zelena's happy faces as her sister announced that she was pregnant with her soulmate's child. Zelena was giving Robin Hood something she could never give him- a child.

After all of the concern Regina had shown Robin, it turned out he knew it was Zelena all along, and he had fallen in love with her. So much for happy endings. Her heart was broken. Again. She'd lost everything. Again.

Well…not quite everything.

She still had Henry and Emma.

Regina laughed to herself and shook her head as she considered that thought. Emma had really surprised her. She'd kept her word and seen Operation Mongoose all the way through.

She'd finally had her back.

It wasn't Emma's fault that Regina wasn't good enough for Robin Hood, that Regina had somehow found a way to be the only person in history to not end up with her soul mate.

Deep down, Regina knew she deserved this punishment after all of the evil she had committed, but she had started to have hope, and that false hope is what made her feel even more pain than the first time she'd lost her happiness.

Henry, Emma hell even The Charmings had made Regina feel like she had somehow made up for what she'd done in the past, that she'd deserved a happy ending.

But of course it didn't work out that way for her.

Nothing ever did.

Whether she was good or evil- it didn't matter- she would never get her happy ending.

So that's why she had been avoiding everyone in town for 3 months and drinking, getting high and overworking herself as mayor. She couldn't bear to see all of those peasants with their happy endings, smiling and laughing with their families and significant others.

She couldn't possibly face Emma and Hook. Those two together especially made Regina sick to her stomach, and she could never really figure out why.

Maybe it was the guyliner.

Despite the depression, she still felt extremely horny all of the time. She'd read online that sex drives often decreased during depression, but her body had gotten the wrong memo. Instead of decreasing, her sex drive seemed to increase to the maximum speed. It was like her frustration and pain only intensified her need for sex.

She'd always had a huge sex drive. As a Queen, she could get sex whenever she wanted, usually from Graham or some other attractive prisoner and often without their consent, but with her newfound morality and without Robin Hood in her life anymore, she'd had to resort to porn.

She'd first discovered porn a couple of years ago after she'd disposed of Graham for choosing Emma over her, which is why it was ironic that Emma was who Regina was thinking of as she currently masturbated to the scenes on her laptop screen.

It didn't really mean anything though.

It was just that the woman on screen reminded her of Emma with her long blond hair, bright blue eyes and exquisitely toned physique. It didn't matter that Regina had begun purposely picking out only porn that featured these kinds of women who reminded her of Emma.

That was irrelevant.

And it wasn't like any of this was her fault anyways.

One night when she'd been pretty out of it and wanted to pleasure herself quickly before passing out in her bed, she opted to try something different in her porn browsing- threesomes.

She'd watched this kind of porn before with two men and one woman, but on that night she'd accidentally clicked on a link featuring 2 women and 1 man.

Initially, Regina started to navigate to another movie, but something stopped her.

Those eyes on one of the women. They were extremely sexy and captivating. They reminded her of someone, but she couldn't think of who at first.

As she continued to watch, she realized that her body was heating up and she was actually getting the wettest that she'd been in a very long time.

Her eyes studied the full breasts of the blond woman, and she realized that she'd very much like to touch them, just to feel how soft they were and to lick them just to see how they tasted- salty or sweet? She'd noticed the sexy, flat stomach and nice, firm but plump ass and allowed her mind to really wonder freely, for the first time in her life, what it would be like to have sex with a woman. What it would feel like to have her skin rub up against the clearly soft and silky tanned skin of the other woman's.

The women continued to kiss each other slowly and passionately, using their tongues effectively but not excessively. The kissing alone had turned her on- it wasn't fast and sloppy like the kisses in most straight porn films. And as the kissing intensified, the women made the most glorious purring noises as if making love to another woman was the most pleasurable experience in the world.

And in that moment, Regina believed them.

When she came, she moaned and screamed louder than she'd ever had before. It wasn't until she came back down from her climax that she realized who the woman had reminded her of.

Emma.


	2. Chapter 2

Regina awoke abruptly to the cockadoodledoo sounds blaring loudly from the left side of her bed. She stupidly thought that a rooster must have invaded her bedroom before her mind caught up to her body and remembered that she had chosen this particular screech as her alarm. She vaguely wondered why she had picked this infuriating alarm before she recalled that it had reminded her of the farm she had lived on as a little girl. But she wasn't an innocent, little girl anymore; she was a 38-year-old, loveless, faithless former Evil Queen with a pounding headache in her right eye.

I've got to stop drinking.

Without opening her eyes, she let out a groan and used her right hand to knead her right eye, while she extended her left arm to reach for the aspirin and water on the nightstand that she had placed there the night before.

Even though it was painful, she continued to make the same bad choices every day. Drink, get dressed for work, work until late into the night, return home, drink some more, get high, then masturbate to some porn before passing out- sometimes in her bed, sometimes on the couch. She was in a rut.

Every morning she seriously considered not showing up to work, but she knew that if she didn't go in, she wouldn't go to work again. One hitch in her routine, and it would all fall apart. So Regina went through the motions-shower, deodorant, perfume, lotion, makeup, and today she picked out a silk red blouse, a tight black skirt and black heels. She had to keep up appearances. The last thing she needed was even more meddling from Emma Swan.

Ever since their road trip, Emma had brought Regina lunch every weekday from Granny's-kale salad and root beer- and tried to talk to Regina to cheer her up. Most days Regina just poofed Emma right back to the sheriff station with not so much as a thank you, but sometimes she let Emma stay. Sometimes it was worth it to hear Emma talk about hope and second chances and all that crap just to get to hear how Henry was doing.

Regina grabbed 2 tiny bottles of vodka and downed them in one gulp before grabbing a banana from the kitchen on her way out to the office. She found she couldn't even work efficiently anymore unless she was buzzed.

She worked intensely from 8 am until noon filing paperwork, approving grants, and responding to emails concerning the town budget. For the next half hour, her efficiency greatly decreased. She began playing solitaire on her Mac as she nervously waited for Emma to show up. She wondered if Emma would have on that ugly red jacket again and just how tight her jeans would be this time. She really had to stop watching porn.

And like clockwork Emma knocked on the door and let herself in at 12:30pm.

"Henry misses you"

Emma hadn't said it in an accusatory tone, but Regina's guilty conscious interpreted the statement that way regardless. She hadn't been expecting that. Emma usually greeted her with a "Hey Gina", "Wudup Madame Mayor" or something else equally silly but charming or (Regina's personal favorite though she would never admit it) Emma would facetiously get down on one knee, bow her head and present her lunch above her head with a simple "Your Majesty".

Regina looked up from her desk to see Emma walking determinedly towards her as if she was marching into battle. Her jaw was set and her hands formed fists at her sides. Sensing that it would be one of those days, Regina had half a mind to snatch the lunch from Emma's hands and then poof Emma away, but then she noticed what Emma was wearing-no red jacket, a very fitted white tank top that showed off her toned arms and jeans so tight they looked painted on, her face was in light make up that really accentuated her blue eyes _or were they green?_ and her long, blond hair was styled in soft waves around her face just the way Regina liked it. _Fuck._

"Oh…well, I'm not quite in an acceptable state to be around him or anyone right now. I think that's quite obvious Ms. Swan, wouldn't you agree?"

"It's obvious that you're depressed. It's obvious that you need your family. We both miss you."

Regina looked up to see Emma showing her signature pout. Regina hated those puppy dog eyes. They reminded her of Henry and she always melted at that look.

"Regina, just let me help you. I can tell that you're hitting the booze, shutting people out and feeling sorry for yourself. That's not gonna solve anything. Trust me. I know. I've been there."

Regina didn't say anything but continued to fumble with some papers on her desk, being sure to avoid Emma's blue-green-hazel-seriously-wtf-color-were-they eyes.

"Damn it , Regina! It's been 3 months. It's been long enough. Get your shit together because this is the last day that I let you hide out. Tomorrow I'll drag you to Henry if I have to. I'm your best friend. You're supposed to lean on me during times like these."

Regina took a long pause before she said anything. Truthfully, she was touched. Although she could be annoying, Emma was always there for her. Always willing to help. Her chest had grown warm at her words. It was nice to remember that someone really cared about her feelings and how she was doing. She often wondered why Emma was so invested in her happiness and wellbeing, so true to her word. She sometimes even thought that maybe Emma had a crush (Emma had confided in Regina that her and Lily had been more than just friends), but then Regina remembered that Emma had Hook. The pirate mascot. She couldn't let herself get too attached.

"And what makes you think you're my best friend? I don't recall ever granting you that title."

Emma smirked, "I'm not one of your knights, Y _our Majesty_. Regina, I'm your only friend. That pretty much makes me your best friend. I kinda assumed."

"You're a fighter, probably the strongest person I'll ever know. I know you want to come out of this rut. You just need help, and I can help you. Just let me help you, please."

Regina offered up a watery smile. "Thank you, Emma. For…well...thank you."

Emma flashed a big toothy grin. "I'll see you tomorrow at your place bright and early. And don't even think about punking out."

Emma turned to let herself out and Regina watched her go, trying hard but failing miserably not to notice the perfect shape of Emma's ass.

Luckily, Regina managed to look away just as Emma turned around to face her again.

"Ms. Swan, what is it?"

Emma was leaning backwards against the door with her thumbs in her pockets and looking suddenly, uncharacteristically shy.

"Just so you know...you're my best friend too. I'm gonna get you through this Gina. Whatever it takes."

Regina couldn't help but to genuinely smile back at Emma. They held each other's gazes for a few seconds before Emma turned and opened the door to let herself out.


End file.
